[music - Continuum John Mayer]

so I find that God has a really odd sense of humor...

I find myself surrounded by this air of expectancy. I don't know if it's God or just the voices of all those people back home. Moving here has placed me in a position surrounded by people on a different plane of life than I. Really, everyone in my office is married with kids. I know that's not the place I'm supposed to be right now, married @ 21 is definitely not for me this I know. But being around all these couples with the cutest kids is not makin being the new kid on the block any easier. Most people on their first jobs have @ least one person to go to happy hour with, someone to just kick it - guy or girl - & revel in the wonderful uncertainty that comes with this place I'm in. The closest single people in my vicinity are @ least 3 yrs younger than me &, again, not exactly @ the same place in life as I am. They're just starting school & super involved in church & totally me 4 yrs ago. So I'm definitely @ this weird in between place right now. But for probably the first time in my life I'd really really like to be with someone. I've always been super picky but I think maybe that was me guarding my heart. I'm no idiot, I know my limitations & I know in the past it was really easy for me to fall - fast & hard. But I don't think I'm there any more. I'd just like someone to watch movies with, to act silly with, just someone to connect with on some level. I just want to have fun right now & all I'm hearing is "settle down" & "if you haven't you may never". I know it's not true but it's hard to tune it out 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. aahhh!!! This longing, this longing without a face to go with it, this is definitely new for me. It's got me feelin like all those girls I always pitied - the kind that always had to have a man - & I feel weak. I don't like that. Not weak on moral, just...weak in character. I'm scared I'll reach the point where I start feeling incomplete because I don't have arm candy. That, my friends, is an extremely frightening thought.