It would be pretty accurate to say, since moving to the desert, I've been in a rather awkward place emotional & spiritually.
Have you ever noticed, when you cut yourself, the phases of the healing process? The weird semi-scar thing that happens between the ouch-that-really-hurt stage & the oh-where-did-my-scar-go stage? Well, that's where I've been lingering for the past 6 months, healed but not quite back to normal. I forget sometimes that He really does know what He's doing & no matter how far I feel His plan for me is still in motion.
While I was in ATL, God really started talking to me about His grace. I stumbled upon this awesome book called A Scandalous Freedom which only emphasized how all-encompassing His grace is if I'd just shut up & go with it!
Which then led into not comparing myself to anyone. I am where I am, you are where you are, & she is where she is & all of that is exactly as it should be! Yes, encourage each other & push each other but I was allowing it all to become a kind of condemnation. This sort of grim reaper, gray cloud that always hung over my head, reminding me of all that He's done in & thru me in the past & the seeming lack thereof in the present. But all He asks of us is baby steps...baby steps! Who can manage baby steps when I want to run a marathon?! lol (& this was the beginning of my realization that patience isn't one of my virtues)
Now back @ work as the new kid on the block, I'm extremely competitive & ambitious so coming back & not having anything to do drove me nuts!!!!!!! I want business now! I want people to trust me now! I want it all to fall into place & the money start rolling in NOW! When I realized in all of my valiant efforts this wasn't happening I started questioning everything! Until God & I had a convo on the way to church last Sunday nite. He complimented me on all my efforts & hard work....then asked me when I was planning on asking Him what I should do to get business going. Yeah, I felt like an idiot. It all made sense! Because if it isn't God's plan for my business then everything I do is totally in vain. (Psalm 127 & Ecclesiasties 2)
& what's so cool about all of this is literally every single thing God told me over the past 2 months was confirmed the next time I walked into church. As if God was saying, "Here's what you need to know & I'll throw in this extra assurrance that you still can hear from Me." I wanted to ask, "How did You know I was...." yeah & then I realized how dumb that was & simply said, "ah ha, I gotcha!" (yes, I'm retarded)
It's just so cool how God makes you feel so special. I mean he designed 4 different sermons specifically for me! If anybody else got anything from them I know those couldn't have been more for me if the speaker began every sentence with, "So Christin...."
p.s. my friends are totally cooler than yours.....God's put some awesomely diverse people in my life that make me laugh each in their own unique way & what's life if it isn't filled with laughter?!?!?! 
gotta love my peeps lol
Labels: friends, God, life
