just when i thought i was king loser...

It would be pretty accurate to say, since moving to the desert, I've been in a rather awkward place emotional & spiritually.

Have you ever noticed, when you cut yourself, the phases of the healing process? The weird semi-scar thing that happens between the ouch-that-really-hurt stage & the oh-where-did-my-scar-go stage? Well, that's where I've been lingering for the past 6 months, healed but not quite back to normal. I forget sometimes that He really does know what He's doing & no matter how far I feel His plan for me is still in motion.

While I was in ATL, God really started talking to me about His grace. I stumbled upon this awesome book called A Scandalous Freedom which only emphasized how all-encompassing His grace is if I'd just shut up & go with it!

Which then led into not comparing myself to anyone. I am where I am, you are where you are, & she is where she is & all of that is exactly as it should be! Yes, encourage each other & push each other but I was allowing it all to become a kind of condemnation. This sort of grim reaper, gray cloud that always hung over my head, reminding me of all that He's done in & thru me in the past & the seeming lack thereof in the present. But all He asks of us is baby steps...baby steps! Who can manage baby steps when I want to run a marathon?! lol (& this was the beginning of my realization that patience isn't one of my virtues)

Now back @ work as the new kid on the block, I'm extremely competitive & ambitious so coming back & not having anything to do drove me nuts!!!!!!! I want business now! I want people to trust me now! I want it all to fall into place & the money start rolling in NOW! When I realized in all of my valiant efforts this wasn't happening I started questioning everything! Until God & I had a convo on the way to church last Sunday nite. He complimented me on all my efforts & hard work....then asked me when I was planning on asking Him what I should do to get business going. Yeah, I felt like an idiot. It all made sense! Because if it isn't God's plan for my business then everything I do is totally in vain. (Psalm 127 & Ecclesiasties 2)

& what's so cool about all of this is literally every single thing God told me over the past 2 months was confirmed the next time I walked into church. As if God was saying, "Here's what you need to know & I'll throw in this extra assurrance that you still can hear from Me." I wanted to ask, "How did You know I was...." yeah & then I realized how dumb that was & simply said, "ah ha, I gotcha!" (yes, I'm retarded)

It's just so cool how God makes you feel so special. I mean he designed 4 different sermons specifically for me! If anybody else got anything from them I know those couldn't have been more for me if the speaker began every sentence with, "So Christin...."

p.s. my friends are totally cooler than yours.....God's put some awesomely diverse people in my life that make me laugh each in their own unique way & what's life if it isn't filled with laughter?!?!?! gotta love my peeps lol

okay, call me weird...

....but I can't wait to be a mom!!!

I know you're wondering, "Is Christin pregnant?!" lol
no no no people.
have you ever seen the new abc show Brothers & Sisters?
it's about this extremely disfunctional family
& I love it!
they are not even close to being perfect
they're screw ups, crazys, & addicts
but they love each other with all the sincerity of the heavens
& I know that those years
the years where I finally get to play mom
will be the best years of my life

Trust, I'm loving life now
& I'm not trying to be married or pregnant any time soon
but if you know the tiniest thing about me you know that I am a family person 100%
so it's definitely been a little difficult being so far away from the fam
but hands down, the distance has only brought my family & I closer

I absolutely adore my mom
--& I'm seriously planting seeds for her to move to the desert--
but more than anything I admire & respect her so much
she's raised 2 kids who aren't too shabby if I do say so myself
(we're all entitled to a little horn tooting every once & awhile)
who love her like crazy!
I mean even my bro would say that he's close friends with our mom
& that's saying a lot for a 14 yr-old
she's impacted & influenced our choices, our character, our lives
more than anyone on this planet ever could.
She's been the crying sholder, the swift kick in the pants, & the cheereleader our whole lives
& she doesn't seem to be slowing down any time soon
she & only she has mastered the timing of which hat to put on when & for how long
(I'm hoping that comes with childbirth)
the older I get the more I realize I truly am turning into my mother
& everyday I thank God for it

She is the one who has taught me to love unconditionally,
dream the impossible, & believe in the only thing that's worth believing in
she still talks about my vivid imagination that I had as a child
& how it baffles her that I've held onto it for this long
but I pose the question to her
Well, where do you think I learned it from?

She is the reason I'm excited to start a family
she's taught me how invaluable they really are
& how lucky we are to count these people as jewels
our family is by no means perfect
but we love each other with everything that is in us
even though it's just me & my bro
I have cousins that looked after me like the older brothers & sisters I always never wanted
Aunts & neighbors who were definitely second mothers
& friends who knew exactly how I needed to be loved

I am blessed beyond measure
to say that life is good would be the understatement of a lifetime!
& there's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise